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Thursday, 29 February 2024

MEMORY

 How memory works is a puzzle but it is clear that memory is a way of organising experiences.It is imperfect in that the memory may be   hard to recover, and may be imperfect when the initial understang of eveny is in error. Rubbish in, rubbish out, you might say.

Gradual memory loss is regarded as the early stage of dementia and patients are referred to 'memory clinics'.In my wife's case, it was quick and sudden, possibly a  long term effect of brain damage, undiagnosed up to that point.  She had a series of stroke-like episodes at the end of 2015. A brain scan in Januage reveal consoderable brain damage. This affected her ability to read, talk and understand.

So what is memory? It can be compared to the brain's operating system structuring and connecting varied experiences to make it meaningful.Memory is not just the recall of experiences or information but is an attempt to explain. These explanations will be subjective and personal. Dementia blocks these explanations.

Enhancing Memory.   

Some memories are embedded and are generally at the centre of our minds. They may be triggered by high spots or low. They are fundamental to who we think we are. My situation has changed requiring me to sift through draws and boxes, relics of sixty years of adult life fed by the question 'Do I keep it or throw it?'. The same issues arose when clearing out my mother' house ready for selling. It is the deeper well hidden memories that I am focusing on here.

A necessary preparation is to release storage of the things we wish to keep. For me, throwing away is difficult and the first question to myself is whether it can be reused, repurposed even upcycled. As I do not have the time or inclination to upcycle, re-use by moving things around is an option, or giving it away to an upcycler for more drastic changes. Disposing of 'stuff' needs to be disciplined and unsentmental, reducing everyday items such as sheets, towels and good quality clothes to charity shops or even displaying it on the roadside free to take or requesting a charity donation.This will leave some souvenirs which remind us of people and holiday. By all means keep just a few significant ones but a photograph takes up less space.

I find that the act of decluttering triggers memories of a half forgotten past, holidays enjoyed, achievements made, relationships consolidated. There are a few items from my wife's childhood - a musical box, a child's tea-set, a teddy, a toy sewing machine, and a large Rupert Bear collection. These mean nothing to her now. Some are distributed to friends to consolidate their memories, much as happened after my mother's death.

 Memory, Experience and Research

When I  studied for my PhD in the 1970s, I was taught that research consisted in finding information (historical sources in my case) and interpreting these as objectively as possible. Subjectivity was frowned on. Indeed, it might have led to my failure. In the decade that followed, topics like biblical marriage, family and women were taken over by female young scholars who used feminist interpretations which incorporated their own experience as girls and women, summed up by Phyllis Trible's Texts of Terror featuring rape and violence.  There followed a substantial movement of Biblical research highlighting the female experience of patriarchy. This was part of the development of qualitative research which focuses on experience as opposed to being countable and observable. Memories might be inaccurately remembered and need verifying, maybe by triangulation, via documentation or by other participants. Equally documentation might be incorrect requiring information to be carefully checked. A comparison of newspaper items shows this. Even eye witnesses often disagree on major details.

Also evocative of visits and holiday, TV programmes remind us of places visited. While writing this, I am watching Alice Roberts' tour of the archaeology of Egypt and being reminded of our similar trip in 1982. Similarly, trips around the middle and far east brings back memories. The Repair Shop makes me look again at some worn-out items. Having spent my life studying and collecting plants, replacing casualties and using TV as my eyes and ears replaces nearly forgotten experiences and knowledge.

Memory and Story

The human brain spins memories into a coherent story. That story may reflect reality, or may be delusional, at least in part.. It the story might over-emphasis personal weakness or guilt, or may spin the memories to justify  dubious behaviour.  It will be important to verify the story from the memories of others involved.

So  memories are embedded in stories which establish their  contexts. My own stories of childhood and schooling can be found earlier in this blog. A story is a remembered account of what happened but also will contain some explanation: such explanation will not always be credible, serving more as self justification. There is a very thin line between fact and fiction leading to some confusion. Most historical accounts require verification. Some newspapers  have been deliberately deceptive. We create our own stories, about coping with the present and planning to pursue goals. Our personal stories might be positive or negative, promoting achievement or failure, remembering successes or failures. The secret is to learn from both. 

In my wife's case, loss of memory happened rapidly, days rather than weeks. It reduced her ability to read, write, sew and knit, indeed anything which requires hand-eye coordination. She could no longer tell the  time or find her way around the house.She had for several years been a volunteer in Kelmscott Manor but at the end came home upset because she could't do what was required. The cause was brain damage after illness, as a brain scan revealed in January 2016.

One element of qualitative research is the biographies/ autobiographies of researchers and researched, providing a context for the research. This kind of research exists to understand and explain. based on memories and personal history, gleaned from interviews and discussions. This produces deeper data which can be questioned and interogated during the interview to enrich the data. 

There are useful questions: how did life experience as a child shape the kind of adult you became? Are questions of nature and nurture significant? When does childhood end? My memory of childhood is being curious, asking lots of questions and challenging what I was told. My refusal to believe inFather Christmas from the age of three gave great concern to local parents. I was an early reader and have scarcely slowed down since. I remember giving a talk age 9 on becoming a scientist when grew up so must have been confident at public speaking. I was active, camping, football and so on. And from time to time quite naughty. Childhood finished aged around 14 as I began to study for university and gained some responsibily in the home.By the age of 21 I was married and enrolled on a PhD.

Disappearing memories

For some, myself included, memories get brighter over time, but for others detail dims, names disappear, and facial recognition becomes confused. Usually some brain problem is at the root, maybe Alzheimers, or a stroke or some other damage to the brain caused by accident or illness. Alas, as people grow older, dementia numbers rocket; and environmental polution makes its onset earlier in life. Finding loved ones forgetting who you are is painful. But it is part of life's inevitability. 
Stevie Dufyn, March 2024.

        

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